Finding Myself Again: Saying Goodbye To My Little Sister

My sister died of congestive heart failure last December, and my mom died in December of 2017 from pancreatic cancer. When a person loses anyone who has had an huge impact on their life and who has helped to shape them, it is tough to get over. Yet, when you lose both of your best friends back to back within two years of each other while pursuing a masters degree and trying to manifest things in your life, you lose parts of yourself. It’s been nearly three months since my sister’s passing, but I’m not completely back to normal or myself again yet. My mom and sister were my best friends and my biggest supporters in life! I truly wouldn’t be who I am today without their influence and presence in my life. So, when they both died, I was crushed. The pain, heartache, and grief gets better with each day. I just miss them and find that I don’t quite know how to be myself anymore without them in my life. I’m having to remind myself to keep doing the fun things that they would want me to do, and to keep being the good person that they would want me to be. When you lose someone as close to me as they were, it rocks the very foundation and core of who you are. I know I’ll find myself again sooner or later. I’m not worried about it. If not, I’ll reinvent myself and emerge a better 3.0 version of myself just like Mom and Jessica knew I would. No matter what life throws at me, I’ll always bounce back with time. The only question I have now is how to do it without them guiding me and helping me along the way like they always did in the past when I faced problems in life. To that question the only thing I can say and quote is India Arie: “It’s okay not to know. Exploration is how we grow. It’s okay not to have the answer, because sometimes it’s the question that matters.” For now, I’m fine with exploring life on my own and continuing to grow as a person as I figure out the answer to that question and find my way back to me overtime…


How did you guys find yourselves again after a particularly sad, bad, or hurtful situation? How long did it take? What did you learn from your experience? Feel free to comment on this post in the comments section below.

5 thoughts on “Finding Myself Again: Saying Goodbye To My Little Sister

  1. Hi,
    First off, I am so sorry for your losses. I too lost a sister and a mother within a year. It was a very difficult time for me and to help me cope with my grief, whenever it would surface I would write about it. I did this for a year and this turned out to be my book Mourning Has Broken. If you are so inclined you might want to read a recent review by Kevin Cooper of this book on my blog. In any case, there are no time limits for grieving but I do wish you also to be blessed with the gifts having your sister and mother in your life gave (and continue to give) you. ❤

  2. My Mom died of pancreatic cancer 13 years ago and my Dad just passed last June. I miss them both every day but try to remember our good times together. Some days are easier than others. Sorry for your losses! Hugs!

    1. I’m having more harder days than easy ones lately because I just started grieving my sister’s death and going to see a therapist after I completed the coursework for my masters degree. I try to remember the good times too, but they were my two best friends. Most days I feel so lonely and lost without them. Thanks for your sympathy and the virtual hugs!

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