I’ll Never Change For A Man

Recently, I suffered a loss romantically. A man that I was talking to with the intention of dating confessed to me that he had already started dating someone else. Initially, I was heartbroken and devastated. Yet, as I talked to him further to try to decipher the reason why he chose to date her instead of me, I became upset and angry. His main reason was that I’m not independent enough for him: I don’t have my own car, place, or job (I decided to put off finding a job in my career field until after I’ve completed my third and final degree). As he explained further, I began to see how materialistic, vain, and focused on outward appearances he is. His love is also conditional. I need an unconditional kind of love, like the kind that Jesus displays for me. Just because a person seems to have it together outwardly financially and physically doesn’t mean that they have it together morally, mentally, and emotionally. Just because a person doesn’t seem to have anything good going for themselves doesn’t mean that they don’t have a good heart or character. After tossing and turning all night, thinking about the things he said, and deciding that I wasn’t wrong for feeling the way I felt, I realized something. I realized or rather remembered a lesson that I had already learned: to never change for a man or let them change or try to “fix” me. We all have issues and hang-ups, but there’s nothing wrong with me. I may not be where other people think I should be at this point in my life, but I’m right where God wants me to be. The last time I checked, he was and still is the only man that I try to please and change for daily. I worked too hard to become who I am today and to love and accept myself for who I am over the years to let a man come into my life demanding that I change my personality, hurry up and choose a career path, and fix parts of my life that he doesn’t like just so he’ll date me. If he can’t help me to grow as a person and support me and my dreams, then I don’t need him. I’d rather be an old maid and die single, because I’ll never change who I am as a person or rush God’s destiny and plan for my life just because a man feels that I’m not moving fast enough for him. God’s plans prevail in my life! If a person hasn’t walked a day in your shoes or know what God’s calling on your life is and what he told you to do, never let them tell you who to be or to change what God told you to do.


Happy October! (It’s my birthday month, you guys!)


16 thoughts on “I’ll Never Change For A Man

  1. You deserve to meet a man whose eyes light up when you say you’re waiting to finish your education before you find your career. A man who knows, even when you’re dating, the meaning of caring for someone in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.I’m not saying the level of commitment in dating is the same as marriage, of course it isn’t, but the attitude should be. Happiest of birthdays!!!! You are your own greatest gift.

    1. I know, thanks for the encouragement and advice. Me and the guy are still friends, but I doubt that we’ll ever become anything more if he doesn’t change for the better. I am my own greatest gift, thanks for noticing lol. Thanks for the birthday wishes, it was the 2nd of October!

  2. That was an incredible post and honestly you sound like an intelligent woman, you sound like the kind of girl that knows what she wants, but will do as she feels comfortable with…also if there was another woman involved don’t be upset he chose her, cause choosing the other woman is like downgrading from a Samsung Galaxy S 7 Edge to an old timey blackberry. I don’t know neither of you women, but just by reading your post, you sound alot like me when I was younger. A word of advice, as you see there’s nothing wrong with you, keep that train of thought…cause if your not liked for who you truly are, then that person is not meant for you. Even a**holes play a role in our lives and that’s what I’ve seen numerous times as a test, I now see it as a challenge, cause after broken trust and trying to play the fit in role…I realized I was wasting more time pretending to be a person I’m not, for a person I know deep down is not meant for me. Now coming up May 2017 will make 2 yrs marriage to my goofy but amazing husband. Want to know what makes him the one, the person I know I’ll spend my life with, he has never judged me, never looked down on me, and the trust I have with him is extensively high cause we’d rather hurt one another with the truth, then comfort the other by a lie. You’ll find that guy that fits to you like a puzzle piece, especially with the positive attitude you hold .

    1. Thanks for those beautiful words and encouragement, believe me I was unfazed. She can have him. Your words encouraged me to not give up on finding love though. Happy Holidays!

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