Guest Blogger Post: “Why Does the Right Thing Feel Like the Wrong Thing?”

Hello, all! This month, another blogger friend and I decided to guest blog on each other’s blogs. My post this month can be viewed on Justsuminspiration’s blog, while her post can be viewed on mine. If you would like to guest blog on my blog as well, send me an email at LadyMoss1001@yahoo.com. Without further adieu, here’s her post:

I recently suffered a break-up from my boyfriend; I knew that the break-up was inevitable, but now that it’s arrived, I’m having a hard time dealing with it.“Have you ever felt like you’ve outgrown a relationship? Have you ever felt like you and your partner were headed in different directions? Usually when I have these feelings, I stay in the relationship and suffer only to remaining dissatisfied and miserable. I know what I want in a relationship. I just have a hard time communicating my feelings to men, because I don’t want hurt them. My self-esteem levels also aren’t the highest, so I usually settle for and with the wrong man. This happens because I feel as if it’s mandatory for me to stay in a relationship with men when I have the power to walk away. I stayed in these relationships out of fear that I didn’t deserve better. When I entered into my last relationship, I was at a low point in my life. I had low self-esteem levels and I felt hopeless. I literally felt like my life had come to a complete stop, as if I was at a train station waiting on the next train, but kept missing the “Now Boarding” signal. As my last relationship continued, I realized that I didn’t want to take care of someone else, and that I didn’t want to be the sole provider in a relationship. I didn’t want to drive him around. I didn’t want to miss work to cater to his every need. I didn’t feel like waiting on him hand and foot. Why did I get involved with someone who depended on others for care? Why did I choose to date someone who could provide nothing for me? Once I realized that I deserved better, I stopped settling for less in life and dating. One day during my last relationship, I summoned up enough courage to break up with him. While that was liberating, my emotions took over while we were apart and I found myself going through what I call “The Relationship Detox”

A Relationship Detox is sort of like a Detox program (whether it’s drug related, a weight issue or something else). Detox, is a way of ridding your body of the bad toxins that you put in it. When a person decides to go through detox, everything is fine in the beginning, as they feel as if they can do it. Yet, that feeling quickly wears off. Once the detox begins, a longing for the thing you felt like you could live without slowly creeps in and makes you regret giving it up in the first place. It’s like your brain stays on REPEAT, constantly playing all the “good” moments of the relationship. You get up caught up in remembering all the good times you two shared.  You get caught up in reminiscing about all the gifts that were given and all the romantic gestures that were made while you were in the relationship. Detoxing makes it all that much more difficult to remember all the good and bad times that you and your loved one shared. Eventually, you realize that you must come to grips with moving on and living your life without them. Since the break-up, I ‘ve had doubts, and wondered if I made the right decision. In my heart, I know I made the right choice, but I still question myself daily. I ask myself such questions as “Did I overreact by breaking with him?”, “Should I keep in contact with him?”, “Did I love him?”, and “What if there’s no one else out there romantically for me?” Questions-People will always question themselves regarding their actions. However, as long as they remember to stay true to themselves, what they want and what kind of lives they want for themselves, they should be fine. The last thing people recovering from break-ups want to do while they’re detoxing is relapse. A relapse in most cases can be detrimental to their health, minds, bodies, and spirits. These people should also remember to keep God first, because Satan loves to see people suffering and in pain. He wants to keep people in a negative mindset, so that he can rob them of their joy, hope, and self-worth. Don’t let him play with your mind or emotions.

Sometimes, our circumstances and situations in life seem to be spiraling out of control. Yet, they could actually be falling into place. My suggestion to people who feel hopeless and who have gone through a break-up like I have is to pray about everything. Satan is busy and would love nothing more than for you to “relapse”. While detoxing doesn’t feel good; it also doesn’t last forever. In most cases when relationships go bad or turn sour, it’s not that the people involved are bad. It’s just that the person they broke up with was not the right one for them. Love still awaits them. They just shouldn’t try to force love on or make relationships work with people that aren’t the right fit for them. Our emotions, while not bad of themselves, can lead us in the wrong direction in some circumstances. The bible says in Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding, In ALL thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy paths. Through emotional, unsure and testing times we have to put our trust in God. He has our best interests at heart, and will bring us through the roller-coaster of detoxing.

I don’t know what will happen as far as my last relationship and the break-up is concerned, but I’ve checked into God’s rehab center. All my trust lies in God, and that is where my trust will remain.

Roshonda Blackmon is the creator of Justsuminspiration and Be-u-tiful Smiles; she’s an encourager, motivator and inspirationalist whom loves taking everyday life events and tying them to the word of God. Becoming an overcomer of suicide, low self-esteem, self-image and growing up without a dad or role model; Roshonda found herself getting into detrimental relationships that lead her down a wrong path. She’s a witness that God can and will heal your mind as well as your heart. To learn more about Roshonda; you can visit her justsuminspiration website here, if you need a daily dose of inspiration; you can visit the justsuminspiration Facebook page here or her Be-u-tiful Smiles website here. Roshonda is also a writer for RESPECT. Magazine in which she writes about current and/or inspirational events, you can visit that page here.

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